reading

Reading and Empathy

8:27 PM

I learned a few months ago that Hera, my eight year old little sister, is no longer allowed to read at home by mandate of my mother. As a voracious reader, this horrifies me.

I don’t know if my mother ever held reading in high regard. I think she’s met many bookworms in her life that she did not respect or did not like, and it may have turned her off of reading for life.

For example, my aunt has a huge problem with reading in inappropriate places - when I was little, she walked up the dark, narrow stairwell of her apartment building with her nose in a book while babysitting me and her daughter. I remember asking her about whether or not it was a good example for my little cousin and she waved my question away, too engrossed in the pages between her hands to consider my query.

Needless to say, my mother and my aunt have a strained, albeit civil, relationship.

I admit I also had issues with self-control and reading when I was little. I used to hide books under my bed - and later, in the nook within my headboard, when I found it - and would read in the dark with a little flashlight after my bedtime. When my mom found out, she locked all of my books in a suitcase until my dad took pity and unlocked the suitcase for me a week later.

Afterwards, I still read into the night sometimes. I just got more careful about hiding it from my parents, although I think my dad still knew.

Likely because of this, my mom demonized reading and books. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her read a book for her own enjoyment. And despite having switched careers and become an educator, she does not seem to value reading as must as the rest of the world does.

Reading is important.

Not a single education researcher will tell you differently. 

Reading is important because it expands your vocabulary. It demonstrates different grammar structures and, in a way, helps teach you to write. Reading is important because literacy is crucial for survival in today’s world.

Reading enhances your ability to think bigger and to be more creative. You follow protagonists and learn how they solve their problems, and because authors generally try to avoid tired tropes, solutions continue to become more extravagant, more creative, more interesting. You learn how people solve their problems. Sometimes, a lot of the times, they solve their problems in a way that is different from your own. 

Reading helps you believe in a better future. There is a reason why the Happily Ever After trope continues to exist - when we feel sad, or pessimistic about the current state of the world, books are there for us. After all, if so many heroes can save their dystopian worlds, who’s to say we can’t get through the day?

Reading is a safe haven and a community, perhaps especially so with my generation. We have communities of fans for all sorts of different stories, and while there might be dispute within and between communities, people are accepted. We learn to debate and argue respectfully through discussions of characters and their choices. We learn how to hold conversations about topics we’re passionate about. We learn to accept other people’s ideas and incorporate them with our own. We manipulate the worlds that were already built and make them more colorful so we can see ourselves within them.

Be a rebel. Read a book. A section of a public art piece seen at the Brooklyn Public Library.
But most importantly, reading is one of the easiest ways for a person to learn about and gain different perspectives.

I am an ethnically Chinese, Canadian-born, middle-class, cis-gendered woman. I will only ever have my own stories and my own experiences. I will never truly know what it’s like to be transgendered, or biracial, or black, or Hispanic, or male, or white, or anything else, because I cannot swap bodies with other people. 

But when I read stories written by black men, I begin to understand what their lives and their experiences are like. When I read stories written by African-born women, I begin to look into their worlds. When I read stories written by straight cis white men, I understand what their privilege looks like and how it differs from mine.

And this is true regardless of the genres of the books I’m reading. Fiction is just as true at describing experiences as nonfiction is. Authors write so that every word and paragraph and sentence ooze their own life experiences, no matter how fantastical.

Just think - Jo Rowling wrote her most famous works while she was a depressed single mother living on welfare. And what topics continue to appear in Harry Potter? Depression. PTSD. Overwhelm. Poverty. Friendship. Kindness. Forgiveness. 

Funnily enough, it just so happens that the Harry Potter generation has been credited with being more moral and charitable than many before us. Harry Potter taught us about love and forgiveness and sacrifice and the little bits of heroism within each and every one of us. 

Harry Potter taught us about the pitfalls of xenophobia and hatred and profiling and bullying and prejudice, and we are all better for it.

I truly believe that reading is a crucial part of learning empathy, and empathy is what makes people kinder. Empathy makes people better. If everyone had a little bit more empathy, I have no doubt the world would be a better place.

It seems fitting that the people I can think of off the top of my head who seem to lack empathy are also people who do not read.

Books are for savoring and appreciating and considering. It’s one of the world’s simplest and most accessible joys. 

It breaks my heart that Hera isn’t allowed to read freely outside of school anymore. She is possibly as voracious of a reader as I am. Her curiosities are just as insatiable as mine, and I believe she has the foundation for the kindnesses and empathies that I wish I could achieve. 

If she’s anything like me, she’ll figure out a way to get around my mom’s rules and continue to read in secret.