college

Implicit Associations Tests

12:22 AM

I was introduced to the concept of Implicit Association Tests (IATs) in my Women and Gender Studies class, where we then went on to take multiple tests and write about our findings of our own internal biases in a paper.


IATs measure your conscious and unconscious associations with different kinds of people by asking you to pair words or images with other words or images and looking at your reaction times. If you're interested in taking any yourself, you can find them here. These tests aren't definitive of you or your personality, and obviously a lot of things factor into how their measurements could be faulty, for example, right-handedness / left-handedness, but they do give you a good idea overall of your internal biases and stereotypes.

Why is knowing about them important? I think that knowing about how your mind jumps to conclusions about different people is important because then you can understand that maybe what you're thinking is wrong or unfair. For example, if you are an employer and you know you have a bias towards white people vs. black people, then it helps you make more educated decisions in choosing your employees as opposed to employing a bunch of people and then wondering why your entire company is whitewashed (because no, I can guarantee most of the time this is not because only white people are super qualified for your jobs). 

To summarise my paper, I found through the IATs that I'm fairly unbiased for most things - here is my list of results and my immediate reactions:

Your data suggest little or no association between Native Am. and White Am. with Foreign and American.
Not surprising at all. I'm not American, the relationship between Native Americans and White Americans is literally something I never think about.

Your data suggest a moderate association of Asian American with American and European American with Foreign compared to European American with American and Asian American with Foreign. 
This was kind of funny but I realized that I tend to associate white people with Europe more because when I was little I spent many summers traveling in Europe where, surprise surprise, there's a lot of white people. Also, I probably do it in defense of all the "Where are you really from?" questions I get all the time. (Don't ask this. Ever. Also, RUDE.)


Your data suggest a slight automatic preference for Arab Muslims compared to Other People.
This was hilarious and completely unexpected but very nice to know. You Arab-Muslims out there, I got your back. Apparently. ;)

Your data suggest a slight association of Male with Career and Female with Family compared to Female with Career and Male with Family.
This was frustrating because my mom traveled when I was little and my dad stayed home with me, so why would I have an internal bias for the opposite? Probably because I was aware from a very young age that my home was an anomaly? Also, I tend to associate women with many more things than Career (mom tends to spread herself thin and do all the things), whereas I associate men with only one thing (because they're wired to be very single-minded).

Your data suggest little or no association between Female and Male with Science and Liberal Arts.
Well, duh. I grew up in China and China thinks that the liberal arts are useless. My dad says all the time, "Master math, physics, and chemistry, and you can walk anywhere under the heavens without being afraid." (The Chinese version of this is a lot shorter and sounds a lot better.)

Your data suggest a moderate automatic preference for Light Skin compared to Dark Skin.
Also unsurprising: Asian beauty standards dictate that lighter skin is better than darker skin. In China they say that the perfect man is "tall, rich, handsome" and the perfect woman is "white, rich, beautiful". Also notice the importance of being rich in Chinese eyes.

Your data suggest little to no automatic preference between Straight People and Gay People.
Super surprising! Asians tend to be fairly homophobic and since I grew up in China thats what I thought I would end up being (despite all my protestations), so this was a huge relief to me. Since homosexuality is so taboo in China, they don't really talk about it - the first time I was exposed to the idea of it, I was in the US and was, by then, making friends with all sorts of people, so I guess they shaped my stereotypes and biases (or non-stereotypes and non-biases?) into what it ended up being today.

Your data suggest a moderate automatic preference for European American compared to African American. 
This was the only result I got that made me extremely disappointed in myself. I've known for a long time that I grew up in a somewhat racist family (Asians are generally literally the most racist people ever. They don't even like other Asians.) but I thought that my exposure to non-Asian, non-White people in high school would help counteract it. Hell, one of my favorite people is black. But I guess four years of high school of being friends with not very many black people and learning about their culture and themselves can't counteract the thirteen years before of being exposed to only Asians and White people - I do tend to find myself attracted to white people a lot faster than to black people (not to say that I haven't been attracted to black people. A lot of you out there are very, very attractive. sigh.)

Now that I know these automatic associations about how I view other people, I can hopefully counteract it in my conscious mind. All in all, it was a really interesting project and I learned a lot about myself, even if I had some issues with how some of the tests were set up. I hope you take the time to do a few of the IATs too (link above!) and don't forget to let me know what you think about them and your results!

college

"I'm Fine" - No, You're Not

7:32 PM

To all my friends out there who've ever told me "I'm fine" when you looked visibly upset:

No. No you're not. Don't lie to me, but more importantly, don't lie to yourself.

I'm not the most aware of my friends' emotions - most of the time, I'm too busy wrapped up in my own little world of random things to deal with or too busy trying to get to the next place I have to be. So if I notice something's wrong, then something's really wrong.

I don't push. Or at least, I don't try to. I make it a habit to never ask "What's wrong?" or "Are you okay?" but instead I ask things like, "Do you want a hug?" Because for me, a hug speaks volumes more to the other person. Because an action is so much more successful at showing that I care, as opposed to a few words. Because I know that sometimes you're not ready to talk about it, and if you don't want to tell me that's fine. Tell me you don't want a hug, or you want to be alone. Push me away. Tell me to go away. Tell me to fuck off for all I care, as long as there's some kind of reaction. But "I'm fine"? I'm fine is the biggest lie anyone can ever tell. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to yourself.

And I'm always available for a hug, or to talk to, or to cry to. God knows I've done it enough to a good number of you, and I fully expect the same treatment back when you need to give it.

And I love all of you so much.

friendship

Valentine's Day

11:52 PM

Snow days have filled up my last week so I literally have nothing new to write about, so I thought I could talk about something I'm sure a plethora of people are excited for. (psst. It's this Saturday.)

Valentine's day is coming up.

How do I know? Oh, only the massive plethora of overpriced chocolates and bright pink and ridiculously priced flowers in all the stores (but actually, why are you in my grocery store, I just want to get my veggies) and the massive plethora of Valentine's Day makeup tutorials and hair tutorials and outfit ideas and DIY gifts and recipes that are gracing my YouTube subscriptions page and my Pinterest.

And man, I hate Valentine's Day. I think it's the most ridiculous holiday ever.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for expressing your love towards others and showing affection and doing things to make them happy. I love it. I thrive on making little gifts for my sister and my friends and randomly doing the dishes for my roommates and writing notes for my friends when they're feeling stressed or down. My favorite thing to see on people's faces is a huge smile, so I like to try and put it there when I can.

But having a specific holiday, specially geared towards couples, and commercializing it? That's all wrong to me. For one day of the year, people like to spend ridiculous amounts of money on dinners (and having to make reservations weeks ahead of time) and chocolates and lingerie and flowers and for what? To demonstrate something that they already should be demonstrating? I understand the idea of wanting to have a special day to commemorate your love or whatever, but... make that your anniversary, or the day you went on a really cute date, or a birthday, or something, not something commercialized and advertised with a flying baby that carries a bow and arrow.

And the amount of sadness and loneliness that surrounds Valentine's day is heartbreaking, because I know girls that have lamented over having to spend this stupid holiday by themselves, or trying to find themselves a quick date specifically for Valentine's day because apparently if you're spending it alone and you've been alone for a long time there's something wrong with you. I know it, I've felt it, sometimes I still have doubts about myself and how I've been alone for literally so long, and every year without fail, my self-esteem dips just a little bit more because of Valentine's day and I spend the rest of the year trying to raise it up higher so that maybe the next time it dips again it won't hurt as much.

I know, boo hoo, woe is me, being a single woman for so long.

And I don't mind it, being alone. I have awesome friends, awesome roommates, people to love and people who love me back, and I get all the luxuries of not having to spend money on overpriced things or not having to shave until it starts getting warm or I have a performance and lazing around and being a total grandma like usual and not worrying about people judging me. It's just kind of weird when all my friends are pairing up around me (and I'm totally for it! I love matchmaking) and I'm not, because I start feeling like there's something wrong with me. And I don't think I should feel like that, I know I shouldn't feel like that, but I'm not quite sure how to fix it. I've been trying to do some serious self-love (like I mentioned in my New Year's Resolution post!) but like the years before, it's been wavering. Again.

Although I swear the next time I go back to China, if another relative asks me why I haven't found a boyfriend yet and mentions that it's "my time" because my older female cousin has a boyfriend even though my older male cousin is still living the single life, I will punch them. (Well, maybe not. I will chew them out though. My dad thinks it's hilarious when I pissed at my relatives for saying sexist things like that.)

I have noticed, though, that I feel the best about myself when I show love to others. I've been making it a personal goal to compliment someone I'm not familiar with a few times a week, even though it takes a lot for me to speak up and say things to people I don't know. I know how great it feels to be complimented, so I'm passing the love. And the smiles I've been getting? So worth it.

What are your thoughts on Valentine's Day? Do you like getting all dolled up for a special someone? Have you ever challenged yourself to compliment someone 3 - 4 times a week?


architecture

Spring Semester and Snow Days

7:03 PM

Now that I've had one of each class that I'll be taking this spring semester, I thought I'd recap my first week (more like semi-week) of the spring semester. Long story short, I'm taking 3 classes, one of which looks like it's going to be - let's just say, a loooooong semester - and the other two which look like they'll be loads of fun.

Bet you can't guess which one looks like it's going to suck butt.

Studio, or 4.024, or 4.115:

This is the only class I'm taking this semester that's within my major (the first time this has happened since freshman year!). So far we have been given a mapping exercise, where we look at different aspects around the site given (such as traffic patterns, history, wind pollution, etc), but we haven't actually been given our project yet, so basically literally everyone is confused about what's going on.

So far, the professor has given all of us a pretty terrible first impression - she doesn't pay attention when we present our ideas to her, she talks over everyone, she goes on ridiculous tangents, and she's just rude. I really hope it'll get better as the semester goes along.

French II, or 21F.302:

It's French 2 and my professor is possibly the cutest person ever. We've had two snow days and she emailed us saying that she hopes we're staying warm, drinking hot chocolate, and watching French films. (I have been staying warm but I haven't been drinking hot cocoa or watching French films. I've been watching a ridiculous Korean reality TV show and reading Le Petit Prince and sleeping.)

Psychology of Gender and Race, or WGS.228, or 9.75:

Honestly, I took this class because I needed to fulfill my HASS-S requirement (I tried to do this once by taking 9.00, or Intro to Psychology, and I gave up on it because I hate memorizing) and because my friend strongly recommended it. But I've only had one class so far and it looks really good! I'm actually really excited about it, despite it having an exam to look forward to at the end of the semester....


Unfortunately, I can't really say much more about the classes because I've only had a couple sessions of each (or in the case of WGS.228, only one) because of the snow! Boston has been in major shut down and I haven't left the house at all, save for one trip to the grocery store today. And rehearsal later, I guess, for ADT.

Speaking of which, I'm super excited about it because I got into the dance I wanted to get into!!!

How has the snow been treating you? Are you in school? What classes are you taking and are you excited about them?

body image

Inspired by TED: Mindful Eating

6:04 PM

I really enjoy watching TED talks because I can hear from inspiring people about a huge range of different topics, from architecture and self-assembly (one of my previous professor gave two talks on his 4D printing projects, watch them here) to self-confidence and health. I thought I could start a series on this blog about the different TED talks that I've watched and enjoyed while also perhaps putting in a little bit of my own input in. After all, I think part of the reason TED talks are so accessible is to help promote conversations.

A few days ago, I ended up watching a bunch of talks about health, food, and dieting. Part of the reason is because my roommate started taking a Food Anthropology class at MIT and shared this New York Times article with me. It discusses the relationship America has with food in comparison to other countries, namely France, and how that relationship is incredibly unhealthy. And with the New Year (I know, it's February, but the year is still fairly new! We're only like 30-something days in) there's obviously a huge wave of people dieting (again) and exercising (again).

To be honest, I've tried this whole dieting thing and exercising thing and I personally think I love food a little bit too much and hate exercise a little bit too much (or I'm just lazy) for it to work. I starved myself for a long time in high school - that didn't work (and it was unhealthy! Don't do it!). I also ran in high school, but no matter how much I ran (I was running 2-3 times a week) and how much water I drank, once I got off the treadmill I would get so dizzy I would have to sit down. Apparently running doesn't suit me.

I found this TED talk called "Why Dieting Doesn't Work", given by Sandra Aamodt:


While the science behind it is interesting, I already knew most of the information she was talking about. I was intrigued, however, by her concept of "mindful eating", which was also something - while not named - that was kind of discussed in the New York Times article. Mindful eating, as how I understand it, is basically taking the time to understand your body and the signals your body gives you. In that way, you let your body govern your eating patterns: eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full - don't keep those chips on hand to much on when your body doesn't need it! Obviously, this would be a long process because it goes against the whole 3-large-meals-a-day convenience. I thought, however, that I might try it - I've been trying to find ways to curb my sweet and savory cravings, not particularly in an effort to lose weight (although that would be awesome) but more because my constant cravings are kind of just annoying.

Things that I've learned so far:

1. My body either doesn't need very much food at all or I'm very bad at recognizing hunger signals. On Wednesday, I ate breakfast and only got hungry at around dinner time, but then I was starving by bed time (I slept it off).

2. 3 large meals a day is infinitely more convenient. In fact, my classes just happen to be structured so that it allows the time for those 3 large meals, with my "lunch time" to be an hour or so following my "breakfast time". I have a 1-5 class 3 out of 5 days of the week, which means while I would usually be getting hungry for a snack at around 3 pm (I eat breakfast at 10, and that holds me over for a pretty long time), I can't, so today I had to eat when I wasn't hungry to avoid the hunger in the middle of class, which kind of defeats the point of the whole mindful eating thing. On the other hand, because I spent a good amount of time this afternoon running around Boston, I became ridiculously hungry at 4. (I had a very early dinner.)

3. My savory cravings are ever present. They have always been ever present. The last time they were curbed, it was because I ate dinner at Yume wo Katare (in Porter Square) and the sodium levels and fat content of the ramen were so high I literally wasn't hungry until two days later.

4. Dried Mangoes have become my pecking snack: when I start to get a little bit hungry, I have a couple and drink some water and then I'm miraculously not hungry anymore. Dried mangoes are magic.

5. I no longer crave Twizzlers, which is good. I also no longer crave Swedish Fish or Sour Patch Kids. I think I will probably forever crave Lindt truffles. Mmm. Lindt truffles.

Obviously I don't expect to see changes after only doing this for a few days - I can't hope to understand my body so soon, and I'm unsure if my lacks of appetite and hunger are because my body doesn't actually need the food or because I've messed up my cues for hunger because I starved myself once not so long ago (again, don't do this. It's bad. Food is beautiful.) But I hope that as the semester progresses, I will come to understand my body more and become a healthier person through mindful eating.

And you know, the next time I come across a Lindt truffle and eat it, maybe I won't have to beat myself up over it.

What are your biggest cravings? What do you think about mindful eating? Let me know!

design

DIY + Refashion: XXL Maxi Dress into a Crop Top + Skirt!

10:36 PM

The other day when I was cleaning out my wardrobe I found this maxi dress that I had gotten at Target over the summer for approximately 6 bucks in the back of the closet. I had purchased it because I thought it might be a good beach coverup, and because it was, you know, six bucks, on the clearance rack, and striped (I have a huge thing for stripes. And prints. If I ever do a OOTD/OOTW post, you'll notice.) 

I've worn it a grand total of zero times.

In my defense (does this really need defending? Everyone has stuff they've bought and not worn... right?) it was an XXL which means it basically swallows me when I put it on. The plan when I bought it was that I was going to chop the bottom off... but then I never went to the beach afterwards and so never had the opportunity.

Oops.

So when I "rediscovered" the dress, I couldn't really justify getting rid of it - there was an excess of material, I had never worn it, blah blah blah... and stripes. I swear, stripes will be my downfall.

lol so big and so wide and so long
Time to chop it up!

I decided I wanted to make it a crop top and skirt combo (I've been really into that kind of thing recently, even though it is infinitely too cold right now to be wearing skirts and baring midriffs) so I cut it at a crop-top length, hemmed it, cut the shoulder straps to make it shorter (this part is super sketch looking actually because I was too lazy to properly figure out how to make the strap width match up soooo....) and decided I liked it oversized.

The skirt I cut shorter, hemmed, folded over the top, and threaded a wide elastic through it (this part was a pain in the butt because I HAVE NO SAFETY PINS. WHY CECILE. WHY HAVE YOU NOT INVESTED IN SAFETY PINS).

Super simple, super easy, and now I have two new pieces and more extra fabric that will probably eventually turn into another crop top!

yay for clothes that don't swallow me!
you can see the extra fabric in the
background.. I'm super good at cleaning up
before taking photos for this blog
Have any of you ever tried "refashioning" or "upcycling" your clothes?

Also, let me know if any of you want an OOTD/OOTW post at some point! I'll try bullying my roommates into taking photos for me ;)